Heart-Breaking. Delete

Today is the saddest day of the year. 2010 12. 31.

knowing that I must delete you from my life..

knowing that i must forget about you...

because we will never be together...

knowing that you hated me to be around.

knowing that we had screw up .

昨日 我還允許自己耽溺在我們曾經擁有的美好回憶裡

那美好的畫面~ 你說你想我住香港多一點

說我愛都市生活 喜歡買東西又愛熱鬧,

其實我也告訴朋友 我去香港好一點, 男生在自己熟悉的地方總是多些資源,

況且估你在台灣住一輩子 恐怕也是住不慣的 , 頂多像你說的 老了 存了錢 回台灣開民宿.

想著我們曾經拿著地鐵圖 研究以後住哪裡好 ~ 沙田嗎 其實也可以接受, 你說.

This and that... need to delete,

need to erase the vision,

need to say goodbye to you , the one i had really been seriously consider as life partner.

you said that we will never be together , so i need to delete you from my life,

It hurts so much, cant breath ...

♥ Love ♥

This world is supposed to be full of Love~ Like the world i had always know ♥♥

Today had joined the secret proposal party of Maggie's , my dear friend. it was a day full of love.

Looking at her, and the man whom loved her so much, im really happy for them. This time, no judgements, no doubts.. my dear friedn, all the best regards.


♥♥♥ I love you , Chloris ~ dont be sad, if you had been treated wrong , be strong, and heal back, you will find a suitable man for you and him love each other and live happily sweet for a long long long life time. ♥♥♥


Only when i was quiet, i realized how much my heart is broken , and how much i am hur . Love is a puzzle, there is no right or wrong, but the sound of heart breaks is crispy clear..


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Go on~ Chloris dont look back, just let go.

Patience, do not go get love , love will finds you~

♥♥♥♥ Big hug to you Chloris ~ xoxo ♥♥♥♥♥♥

Woman.

Ms. T

my friend, with repects, raised her two kids by her own, support her own family, bought a house on her own which would have been much easier if she had someone to share with.

i watched her in a dark alley from her back, playing cellphone games, foucused and laughing like a kid.

me and her daughter walk arm in arm behind..in the chilly winter night,

its a full moon night, where the light of stars and moon is dime.. but the street lambs are bright.

T , i saw him your ex, with his new gf, he regonized me in a wedding occaasion, waving at me, like the first time we met , you and me and him went out for the midnight massage and snack with my Australian frnd.. white t-shirt, he wore. Little had i knew, the woman i had a cheerful chat ealier was the new girl .

I would kept this little secret to myself, cause i had seen you grown so well :D

Do not forget.

Do not look back .

他不愛妳了
他不愛妳了
他不愛妳了
他不愛妳了
他不愛妳了
他不愛妳了
他不愛妳了
他不愛妳了
他不愛妳了

Remeber this.

So just leave .

Start ..♥

Today, surprisingly.. i had been feeling a lot better after orginze my thoughts. even slightly delightful, well.. a lot more delightful. Although that i had been aware that im quite alone when i woke up, but i recognize this time, it's not lonliness, not being so cought up in wanting to make things work agian anymore, my hearaches eased. I forgot how to live my own life for a while. I had just realized it! its your life Chloris~! Take it back and start living. So today, with my chinese sisters , i went buying some tools to help my life get back on track~! The Drawer Closet ~ to organize things :)

Remeber that i said I need a hug the other day? So I also birng a hugger home - a hug pillow
hehehe.. Hug me ~ if not i will :)

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=908917509952&set=a.542596929332.2149096.9109814

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=908917509952&set=a.542596929332.2149096.9109814#!/photo.php?fbid=908917729512&set=a.542596929332.2149096.9109814&pid=47905305&id=9109814

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=908917509952&set=a.542596929332.2149096.9109814#!/photo.php?fbid=908918577812&set=a.542596929332.2149096.9109814&pid=47905317&id=9109814

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=908917509952&set=a.542596929332.2149096.9109814#!/photo.php?fbid=908919266432&set=a.542596929332.2149096.9109814&pid=47905319&id=9109814

If that there is any part i missed the most was ... having you hug me to sleep , or having you sleep by my side.


I guess reflection, and having minor resentment is also normal in this process of healing

There is one thing to remind you, in your next relationship, you might to make sure a clear difference that 好的女生朋友 跟女朋友地位 is very different, dont say you do not want to change, you might just have to adjust.

make her feel she is unique and she can tell apart.. clearly. that you can share the most intimate things with her, the intimacy and trust goes in two way, need both to build it, instead of hiding it and sharing the outside.. there is only one life partner to spend the very intimate time with you, you must feel that you were special enough for each other, that do not let the other side ever need to feel insecure, or bring up the issue.. :)

If one are doomed to have close firends with opposite gneder, must be more considerate on the other person's feelings ...

.... I Regitered :)

就寫吧！把你的難過寫出來'不管用什麼語言'這裡是你的空間’This is your Territory , chloris' do it your way.


分手快一個月了'儘管還是很難過,但是得開始把自己從深陷的泥沼拉出來’就像正在聽的這首歌caught in a bad romance, not say that we had a bad one 但得承認目前這盤祺是下壞了，糟透了. 　

不過但過程總算有點進展'即使現在還是邊哭邊寫''，

但儘管我們過去相愛過,但事實就是現在不愛了

by not letting it go ，will not make it go any slower ，but will only push it over faster and further away ’ today i met with our mutual friend ’ 'I need a hug.. that s the thought when i saw her.' all that bitterness, and having to deal it with myself in a disoriented land..is so hard and lonely,without anyone support the way..been ate up my soul, the fatal chill spreading all over me like germs...can felt the enegery slipt away from fingers..

Being so rational and calm like I always knew her, she toss the cold facts 'wake up girl stop trying he dosent He doesnt love you anymore now , stop not to believe it. "

I know..just can't stop feeling anxious..i told her, 'about what?' she asked. 'the fact, the past , the history , the present' i murmured by heart.



如果要我形容這種痛的感覺就像撕裂傷口上插了一個釘子， '你不再愛我'就是這根釘子，今天我拔掉這個釘子，by registering the thought. 那就是你現在不愛我了，you do not love me ，只剩下了傷口，再來慢慢處理吧，一直不能致信,不斷的想著怎麼把傷口縫起來不是對的，原來是那根釘子,讓我痛的不能呼吸，一壓就痛，想著把帶著釘子的傷縫起來，只是讓那把釘子釘的更深　更加椎心，把釘子拔下了，傷口反而好多了，剩下來的問題就是，怎麼癒合，怎麼養傷，怎麼養回以前的健康.

從前我為了跟你在一起，把有關你的一切都研究的認真，you were my thesis,i thought i was your baby. 選了你當作我論文的主題， 一切細節都想逐一探討，想著可能在香港的一切，想著怎樣過著兩個人簡單的幸福，　認真到的想寫下結論，　忘了　其實我不能用我的方式　寫出你的故事，或者是編織了一個美好的故事　卻要我們一起演出　，對我而言，最美好的事情一就是能牽著手一起走下去，或許你一開始也喜歡結局，所以我們演出，不過沒有編劇指導的我們，戲演壞了，沒有相互妥協，只有一方不再修改，一方累了配合，即使哭著留下了，也只會是徒然，況且你走的毫無悔意。即便知道我還是愛你..

這一次，就休息吧， 你不再愛我了, Yes, i had finally registered.. 我放下武器，你不用在躲，　這是現在最後一篇有關你的Thesis Statement. 我還沒找到新論文該以甚麼為主題，只知道方向改變:)


現在才懂　～ 原來　The thing i want 'being together happily and content' , is not called 'simple' , but it's called 'smooth' , and that is a status most people have to earn it before have it. 原來要快樂在一起　不是簡單的過程，而是一起走過的結果　。