Heart-Breaking. Delete

Today is the saddest day of the year. 2010 12. 31.

knowing that I must delete you from my life..

knowing that i must forget about you...

because we will never be together...

knowing that you hated me to be around.

knowing that we had screw up .

昨日 我還允許自己耽溺在我們曾經擁有的美好回憶裡

那美好的畫面~ 你說你想我住香港多一點

說我愛都市生活 喜歡買東西又愛熱鬧,

其實我也告訴朋友 我去香港好一點, 男生在自己熟悉的地方總是多些資源,

況且估你在台灣住一輩子 恐怕也是住不慣的 , 頂多像你說的 老了 存了錢 回台灣開民宿.

想著我們曾經拿著地鐵圖 研究以後住哪裡好 ~ 沙田嗎 其實也可以接受, 你說.

This and that... need to delete,

need to erase the vision,

need to say goodbye to you , the one i had really been seriously consider as life partner.

you said that we will never be together , so i need to delete you from my life,

It hurts so much, cant breath ...

♥ Love ♥

This world is supposed to be full of Love~ Like the world i had always know ♥♥

Today had joined the secret proposal party of Maggie's , my dear friend. it was a day full of love.

Looking at her, and the man whom loved her so much, im really happy for them. This time, no judgements, no doubts.. my dear friedn, all the best regards.


♥♥♥ I love you , Chloris ~ dont be sad, if you had been treated wrong , be strong, and heal back, you will find a suitable man for you and him love each other and live happily sweet for a long long long life time. ♥♥♥


Only when i was quiet, i realized how much my heart is broken , and how much i am hur . Love is a puzzle, there is no right or wrong, but the sound of heart breaks is crispy clear..


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Go on~ Chloris dont look back, just let go.

Patience, do not go get love , love will finds you~

♥♥♥♥ Big hug to you Chloris ~ xoxo ♥♥♥♥♥♥

Woman.

Ms. T

my friend, with repects, raised her two kids by her own, support her own family, bought a house on her own which would have been much easier if she had someone to share with.

i watched her in a dark alley from her back, playing cellphone games, foucused and laughing like a kid.

me and her daughter walk arm in arm behind..in the chilly winter night,

its a full moon night, where the light of stars and moon is dime.. but the street lambs are bright.

T , i saw him your ex, with his new gf, he regonized me in a wedding occaasion, waving at me, like the first time we met , you and me and him went out for the midnight massage and snack with my Australian frnd.. white t-shirt, he wore. Little had i knew, the woman i had a cheerful chat ealier was the new girl .

I would kept this little secret to myself, cause i had seen you grown so well :D

Do not forget.

Do not look back .

他不愛妳了
他不愛妳了
他不愛妳了
他不愛妳了
他不愛妳了
他不愛妳了
他不愛妳了
他不愛妳了
他不愛妳了

Remeber this.

So just leave .

Start ..♥

Today, surprisingly.. i had been feeling a lot better after orginze my thoughts. even slightly delightful, well.. a lot more delightful. Although that i had been aware that im quite alone when i woke up, but i recognize this time, it's not lonliness, not being so cought up in wanting to make things work agian anymore, my hearaches eased. I forgot how to live my own life for a while. I had just realized it! its your life Chloris~! Take it back and start living. So today, with my chinese sisters , i went buying some tools to help my life get back on track~! The Drawer Closet ~ to organize things :)

Remeber that i said I need a hug the other day? So I also birng a hugger home - a hug pillow
hehehe.. Hug me ~ if not i will :)

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=908917509952&set=a.542596929332.2149096.9109814

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=908917509952&set=a.542596929332.2149096.9109814#!/photo.php?fbid=908917729512&set=a.542596929332.2149096.9109814&pid=47905305&id=9109814

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=908917509952&set=a.542596929332.2149096.9109814#!/photo.php?fbid=908918577812&set=a.542596929332.2149096.9109814&pid=47905317&id=9109814

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=908917509952&set=a.542596929332.2149096.9109814#!/photo.php?fbid=908919266432&set=a.542596929332.2149096.9109814&pid=47905319&id=9109814

If that there is any part i missed the most was ... having you hug me to sleep , or having you sleep by my side.


I guess reflection, and having minor resentment is also normal in this process of healing

There is one thing to remind you, in your next relationship, you might to make sure a clear difference that 好的女生朋友 跟女朋友地位 is very different, dont say you do not want to change, you might just have to adjust.

make her feel she is unique and she can tell apart.. clearly. that you can share the most intimate things with her, the intimacy and trust goes in two way, need both to build it, instead of hiding it and sharing the outside.. there is only one life partner to spend the very intimate time with you, you must feel that you were special enough for each other, that do not let the other side ever need to feel insecure, or bring up the issue.. :)

If one are doomed to have close firends with opposite gneder, must be more considerate on the other person's feelings ...

.... I Regitered :)

就寫吧！把你的難過寫出來'不管用什麼語言'這裡是你的空間’This is your Territory , chloris' do it your way.


分手快一個月了'儘管還是很難過,但是得開始把自己從深陷的泥沼拉出來’就像正在聽的這首歌caught in a bad romance, not say that we had a bad one 但得承認目前這盤祺是下壞了，糟透了. 　

不過但過程總算有點進展'即使現在還是邊哭邊寫''，

但儘管我們過去相愛過,但事實就是現在不愛了

by not letting it go ，will not make it go any slower ，but will only push it over faster and further away ’ today i met with our mutual friend ’ 'I need a hug.. that s the thought when i saw her.' all that bitterness, and having to deal it with myself in a disoriented land..is so hard and lonely,without anyone support the way..been ate up my soul, the fatal chill spreading all over me like germs...can felt the enegery slipt away from fingers..

Being so rational and calm like I always knew her, she toss the cold facts 'wake up girl stop trying he dosent He doesnt love you anymore now , stop not to believe it. "

I know..just can't stop feeling anxious..i told her, 'about what?' she asked. 'the fact, the past , the history , the present' i murmured by heart.



如果要我形容這種痛的感覺就像撕裂傷口上插了一個釘子， '你不再愛我'就是這根釘子，今天我拔掉這個釘子，by registering the thought. 那就是你現在不愛我了，you do not love me ，只剩下了傷口，再來慢慢處理吧，一直不能致信,不斷的想著怎麼把傷口縫起來不是對的，原來是那根釘子,讓我痛的不能呼吸，一壓就痛，想著把帶著釘子的傷縫起來，只是讓那把釘子釘的更深　更加椎心，把釘子拔下了，傷口反而好多了，剩下來的問題就是，怎麼癒合，怎麼養傷，怎麼養回以前的健康.

從前我為了跟你在一起，把有關你的一切都研究的認真，you were my thesis,i thought i was your baby. 選了你當作我論文的主題， 一切細節都想逐一探討，想著可能在香港的一切，想著怎樣過著兩個人簡單的幸福，　認真到的想寫下結論，　忘了　其實我不能用我的方式　寫出你的故事，或者是編織了一個美好的故事　卻要我們一起演出　，對我而言，最美好的事情一就是能牽著手一起走下去，或許你一開始也喜歡結局，所以我們演出，不過沒有編劇指導的我們，戲演壞了，沒有相互妥協，只有一方不再修改，一方累了配合，即使哭著留下了，也只會是徒然，況且你走的毫無悔意。即便知道我還是愛你..

這一次，就休息吧， 你不再愛我了, Yes, i had finally registered.. 我放下武器，你不用在躲，　這是現在最後一篇有關你的Thesis Statement. 我還沒找到新論文該以甚麼為主題，只知道方向改變:)


現在才懂　～ 原來　The thing i want 'being together happily and content' , is not called 'simple' , but it's called 'smooth' , and that is a status most people have to earn it before have it. 原來要快樂在一起　不是簡單的過程，而是一起走過的結果　。








　　









　　

big beliver of persistence~ it might not takes a immediate effect, important things is to make sure the decision making is moving toward the right direction,

Because they are Indians~ Storires you would only heard from india .

Like I often said.. Indians are the most absurd, last minute people of one could ever imagine.

For one, they like to push you to the edge. If they did not, then you would be surprised at the last minute in a least expected way. Just while you were thininking 'finally everything is on right track this time..' With them, you would always have to be wild awake. Oh you better be! Make sure you are highly alert to the extend that you can actually count how many nerves you have.

Here are 6 stories to share :

- On February 20th 2009 Mumbai Times Cover News.
Domestic Airline Goindigo (Go Indi Go) found there was a wheel broken just before landing,

they fixed it in the air.

- Just before that few months back

An Indian helicopter landed right on the track of one full-speed escalating flight that carries 153 pass angers while its getting ready to take off.

of course, they passed each other safely ... Because they are Indians.

-They horn every 5 seconds while driving, horn while they pass, horn while to be passed, horn to warn, horn to be warned, they just horn for horn's sake ' you had some horny driver..' said one of my Dubai customer over the phone.

why? oh you know why? Because they drove like BUMPER CARS! There are lanes on the road, but guess what?! No one follows! they drove to the left they drove to the right, they squeeze into middle, they wiggled to pass, they are scared, but they are also scary.

When they miss the intersection they are supposed to turn, no big deal, they just reverse back directly.

Did i mention my friend Jatin once left the car in the middle of road to check some parking spots ?

- Wide Range of time

'Chloris , 9 o'clock sharp tomorrow I'll pick you up' right...sharp your head.

AM9;35 i finally got into his car for 10:30 am flight.
'oh its the traffic~' they always said.

Take my advise :
When they say I'll be right there, that means you can find a place to sit down, finish reading your newspaper, and take a nap while you get bored. Cause by the time you wake up, they show up.



-The 9 Oscar Awards Winning movie 'One Million Dollar Baby (Name to be confirmed )' was shot in a disgussted hell hole slump of Mumbai that you would never want to visit... even if one pay you a million dollar

I had to turn down the proud, keen invitation from two dear indian friends while we drove pass by the neighborhoods. 'Isnt that amanzing, Chloris? ' - said A,

'Yes....' and im astonished.... by the look of thousand-year-old dirty clothes pile up tent... ok, they acutally called that a house?


- My freind Jatin, finally fired one employee becuase his driking problem.

' well.. I had to. He didnt know the machine was on fire while he was fixing it.'

Oh Indians ~ those Indians...

重回樂生

Project Name: 重回樂生 ~ 樂生回憶錄



2004那年爺爺 . 76 歲 ..(吧?), 不敢確切記得 那沉默寡言的 我的爺爺倒底幾歲 因為我太愛戴他太尊敬他, 恐懼他被無情的光陰吞噬...

' 我出去走走 ..' 爺爺用台語 孱弱的說. 他們說 爺爺已前在樂生 大家開玩笑叫他做 --亞洲鐵人

那是那個七月每天下午三點半左右 爺爺 要說的話, 他, 要到教會附近走走 , 他要出去(樂生)看看.

我擔心卻不敢說, 自尊心強的爺爺 我76歲的爺爺 患有巴金森氏症 , 和心瓣膜閉合不全 手已顫抖 步已蹣跚 步伐細碎 身已躬屈 卻 絕不要人攙扶,　走斜坡已是吃力　何況是那將近45分鐘的路程 爺爺只願意戴上那把奶奶買給他的傘作手杖　　因為拐杖給人看到了不好　然後戴上帽(那頂招牌咖啡色水手帽) 準備出發, 他不要人陪, 不要人跟 這是他自己的活動 他說.

'爺爺我跟你去散步！'　～如此便可以挽著他的　對爺爺來說我的表現是祖孫的親暱不是幫助. 靈機一動　我展現我對散步的高度興趣'

*************************************************************************************

爸媽說 去爺爺奶奶教會做禮拜吧 ~ '好!'
姑姑說 除了教會以外的地方 不可亂走喔~ ! '為什麼?'
表姊說 這裡附近欄杆不能亂摸 '為什麼? ' 因為有痲瘋病 '痲瘋病 那是甚麼?'
劉弟說 '你騙人'　我說　'只有聖經故事才有麻瘋病啦姊姊　都過了好幾千年了'　

那個秘密　那些故事　是被包裝的如此完整　被密封的如此徹底 ..

樂生療養院 那曾經滋養他們的根 也是他們一輩子的痛 他們離不開它 卻選擇在痛苦中 尋求茁壯 成長.

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　to be continued~

For me
scene two Reminder : 蘑菇燈　大陸 拆　




走斜坡已是吃力 何況是那將近45 分鐘的路徑. 但是爺爺就是堅持這麼屹立 就像在過去的他擁有到最後一秒也不放棄的勇敢




他帶了那隻

還好~我是孫女 我可以選擇撒嬌 ! '我跟你去!!'


2004



那是爺爺奶奶

Thats Me Abc - Abc 係我係我

A cute song , simple and catchy that no matter which crowd you belong to, the hip ones, the quiet ones, the local ones, the exported overseas ones , as long as you are chinese or from HK ,

you'll notice this is the must order song in HK KTV ! Its maily one sentance, 'Im acb, no matter which angle you look, vertically, horizontally , i am an ABC '





the official one is here on youtube ^^ -->
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=llUB2CcFrPw&feature=related

guess its been out for a long while but cute and classic. shared with video.


Yo check it check it check it out 聽住啦
First name Jin 即係我中文名　立字做個青字　睇清楚個頸
無論係後生仔或是係老餅　多謝你支持　真係唔easy
一個 ABC　要照清楚塊鏡　佢哋想知點解啲中文會咁正
係咪有個補習老師 not me　由細到大我睇慣TVB
新紮師兄　梁朝偉真係有型　歡樂今宵　何B同鄭裕玲
日頭猛做就無得停　點講都好　最緊要係你明
ABC係我係我　橫睇點睇都係我　無錯無錯　ABC係我係我　ABC係我係我
橫睇點睇都係我　無錯無錯　ABC係我係我
你駛鬼理我邊到出世　只要我有料　一張出世紙點可以做代表
我問你做竹昇有乜嘢咁失禮　就算我係　你都咪當我食塞米
唔覺唔覺係美國住咗24年　我今年24歲真係無乜變
時間過得真係太快　好似無幾耐我先至7歲　飲緊維他奶
如果我真係扮我大晒　有怪莫怪　當我細路仔唔識世界
你根本會唔知如果我唔出聲　所以我今次一定要喺度話俾你聽
ABC係我係我　橫睇點睇都係我　無錯無錯　ABC係我係我　ABC係我係我
橫睇點睇都係我　無錯無錯　ABC係我係我
你話我唔係正宗唐人　Who are you
啲鬼佬睇我又咪係黃皮膚　雖然我哋環境係兩個唔同世界
但係分別好少　你唔好踩得就踩　八月十五同中秋節
舊曆新曆根本就無分別　新年流流咪又係逗吓利是
飲吓茶打幾圈　唔係嘅咪鋤 Dee　歐陽靖究竟係邊個
你真係想知　最清楚係我　簡單唻講　三個字　邊三個
ABC係我係我
橫睇點睇都係我
無錯無錯
You know that’s me

Cambodia - Angkor Wat visit

just back from Angkor wat, and transfering now in Vietnam , a tranquil town of cambodia that attracts international visitors.

Sentimental / the most romantic thing is to believe in true love.

Maybe its the weather, the slight chill in late fall, makes my mind wonder about

Today, I met the purest girl in the world... a strong impact of recalling beauty of pure and simple joy in life.

Often enough during the past years my mind had mixed with thoughts feelings, and it had become complicated, easily driven away with the environment.

*to be pure and believe in true love.

she is conservertive, righterous, and most important of all , she believes in true love. When she talked about guy, she got blush,she cant accept if guy said 'your eyes are beautifull on 2nd meet up , because thats insulting of pure friendship. she cant accept going out alone with guy if only two of them . she strongly belived in true love, that perpered on would appear one day.

She is slim, and shy, she is timid , she is femanin. she is like this other person in a simple happy world.

I'm amazed there are still such kind of pure person existing in the world , she is supposed to be one of character in Mid -Summer-Night Dream during 14th centery, but such purity is so romantic.

Being a big romantic in heart myself , i think she deserves to be that princess of story.


* to have the simple joy within life.

She bought me a small gift --a paper clip wraped with vivid pink sheet. I was really touched by her gesture , i mean this is also a form of purity wanting to do small things just to make people happy, also show a simple happiness of her expecting the meet up today.

When did i lose such simple joy of life? I go out often enough, arrange meetup , dinners, but seldom had I treat any of the meeting in such a formal way.

She is focused, and self-concious while i was easily to be distracted by street people , handsome guys, slim girls. But she just look at the scenery had look blankly while i try to gossip with her on those. She said she just enjoy the hoozing sound of MRT too much.


*Then the extention of my romantic thought before the end of day.. below is the most romantic thing i could think of:

---call your loved one , chat for a while before going to sleep, sharing whats happening, being silly, have some sweet talk, then hang on the line til you fall asleep. .. like child listening to bed time story.

Just being sentimental today ~ Late fall is a season to fall in love.

. outrageous.. 哭笑不得

it was outrageous! im in rage , but people in hous cant stop laughing. this is absard.

my three new pair of shoes , still in boxes, just bought frim hk yesterday, were took to recycling today. They, the house janiotor and old lady next door pass the shoes to trash collector, and kept the boxes to themselves! what a decidion!

The footlocker is full. i piled up the three boxes of shoes next to the locker, where 50 cm is a trash can....three brand new pair of shoes were sparklling inside the boxes .. elegantly, and silently.

The janitor came cleaning the house, surely things are clean, she threw my three boxes of shoes away, my question is .

1. didnt she notice the weigh of the box when moving?
2. she didnt take a look before send to next door box collecting lady?

And the old lady, obisouly think those shoes are too good for her (of course im 25 , and she is almost 70 ) or too bad for her age, take it to the gabage collector. ghost must shade her eyes while she is giving, my shoes are sparlking green , and shining light purple . elegant white and black.

you guys must find the shoes back . dont make me have you pay for those .

these chinese people. @)(@*&@^@.. right i put it in an ambigious location , but where is your common sense?

悶　sign.. speachless...

Different Tour in HK 0927~0928

This time in HK, instead of all those shopping malls and irresistable local Cha Resterant 茶餐廳 , charmed Tsim Sha Tsui , and Tun Lu Wan.

I had a different expereince in cultrual and outkirt island style .
Wong Tai Sin

為 ~ 記得開花

flower has to remeber to open .

War Dance -Documentary of Acholi people join Uganda Music Competition

This film is about Paton Primary school, in war district of Uganda,join the National Music competition with 5000 children for school championship.




Cant stop tearing in a positive way during the movie, completely inspired and overwhelmed by the joy within their music performing. Those tramatized kids has very strong power and courage to form a self-displine helping them to reach perfection, to be close to the dream, to be 'something' instead of nothing but despair, they would see 'giants' in our groups while we're performing. said domic who won best oxyphone player of national prize.



So little of them, yet so strong in their believs , that even makes adults ashamed. Their belives would lead them into future success . Help inflam their passion of music, and lead them to the top out of a desearted place in Uganda.

棋盤 - new chess arrangement

棋盤



Now They want Double officially become Local Sale, I heard them tell her no need obey Tina directly. Double is not Tina's assistance anymore. They are printing her name card and giver her own cell number .



talking about cell no. company would like to issue a company own's cell phone card to them .



There is something wrong in this adjustment, somethings are being sacrifice secretly.

See Tina is one of the crucial person in company. The give her an assistance(s) first, and she is like training this person to eat up her own position. They should give her a title , this is the right way to treat her . and then she deserves a title, if she cant fit the title , then she would



we are printing name card. I truly think i would like to have both chinese side/english side name card, but they insist i only need English side for overseas market, so when i go out with them, they actually dont expect much except for company i guess.



Now they also have Emma attending meetings with them. they are printing her name card. Chinese/ English Name card on both sides. She is a new chest, so they put her wherever they want to her to function, but this is good oppertunity for her , and i think this is exactly what Emma want. Soon enough she would become another Double.

如果你不主動爭取自己的權利　你不要求頭銜　你不要求加薪　老闆就會裝傻, 理所當然的剝削你的能力　不要無怨無悔　也不要步求回報　因為老闆們也沒有這麼大的胸襟把每一分付出都看得這麼重　老闆們一定等到非給要給的時候　才會心不甘情不願的給你一點　不會感激你為公司做了這麼多事情　　因為他們覺得有付你薪水, 姑且不論那份薪水夠還是不夠 反而, 他們只會怕你越來越厲害　然後趕快找人來分擔你的權力　預防你政變.　　


就是這樣　Politics


Whats my irreplacable stregnth ? I have many oppertunity before, all the oppertunity is with me, just do my job well, im not trying to block her,

Trading District -GuanZhouTrade Show - Animation Area and etc.

四川 川陝妹子 Sichuan Cuisine Resterant

Typical Stereotype for Sichuan Cusine is hot-iron-on-tongue's chillie, and it indeed is. On our way driving to downtown for dinner, we stop at this new Sichuan Resterant as our new taste adventure.

Soft yellow light spread out in the room, the room looks harmanious. Retro Chinese decoration service team with classic qi pao and cheongsam suit, the usher lead us to a table of four. Me and candy look at each other, and start laughing. Its a resterant suitable for freinds gathering (minum four) but no problem, with us 2 our dining style , we can eat like 4.

We have three dish + couple of excellent tea as below. Fist one is the famous Sichuan Dish Water-Bowling-Fish (四川水煮魚) in a pot which is big enough to wash 2 faces.

(Pictures attached : )

Actually the thing has nothing to do with water. the dish is cooked mainly by butter, lots many of chillies and stew with Fagara(chinese red papaer) to bring out the taste. Its a delicious but heavy dish the dish looks red. Under the surface are fish, Spraws ,Baichiai(白菜) and Pho noodles. It was a big hard-core task. Candy is tearing down, and i have to keep wiping out my running nose.

The other two dish, please note the vegies are in hot style as well.

I was amazsed by the way they serve drinks, holding the pot like swore. I like the eat a lot. They say this is called '8 treasure tea' in china. Ingridence as below:

1 tea spoon of sugar and hot bowling water with

1. Daisy
2. Rose
3. 羅漢果Zhou
4 GenTsiao (甘草)
5.Red Tsou (紅棗)
6. Green Tea Leaves
7.Jasmine
8. GouQi (枸杞)

Ingredians veries from different distrcts . I'd like to learn and try make this hearbal tea.

Bar Country-Music Pub in GuanZhou

Live music / beer / and Grilled Food . Tonight we hang out in this recommended pub called Bar -country.

Located on the main road next to Pearl River ..It is a pub with western feel conbined with oriental style. Beer and satilte tv playing games, and there is pond outdoor surrounded by a curvy passage with tea area aside.

The crowd are also quite mixed up. Look around, you'd find many types of guests in house: westerners, local chinese people, some black people, and philipino singers on stage; take our table for example, we have some asian visitor like me, candy the local chinese, and Hajy a.k.a dubai party animals , and we all have good time.



what a night ~

In Guenzhou,